Wanna' Go For a Walk and Fight? Walking and Conflict Resolution

“Wanna’ go for a walk and fight?” I asked my husband Eric one Sunday morning. It was mid-pandemic, our business had hit several speed bumps, and we had two teenagers living under our roof – one of whom was supposed to be away at college. Tempers were short and tensions were high.

Eric looked at me and sighed. “Okay,” he said.

For several months, Eric and I had been heading out on walks together, usually two-and-a-half miles down a favorite dirt road. Invariably, I was the one who suggested it and often our conversations deteriorated into disagreements, arguments, or stormy silence. Eric had come to dub them “walk and fights.” And yet, we kept taking those walks together.

They weren’t always fun and we didn’t miraculously resolve every issue or settle every disagreement during a single 40-minute walk. But even when the underlying issue lingered, we left the trail in better space than when disagreements bubbled up in the den and ended with us storming off to the opposite end of the house. Somehow, even when the conversations were difficult, we made more progress, had more peace, and seemed better able to see one another’s point of view out on that trail.

This does not surprise Dr. Christine E. Webb, a professor in the Department of Human Evolutionary Biology at Harvard, and co-author of “Stepping Forward Together: could walking facilitate interpersonal conflict resolution?”

Dr. Webb’s research study of walking and conflict resolution is a bit of a departure from her usual study of the behavior of primates. As we walked and talked, she shared what inspired her research. “I was intrigued by the differences in how humans versus other primates resolve conflict,” she explained. “We humans like to talk all of the time and I’ve observed, through research and through my own experience, that with all that talking, we sometimes manage to create new conflicts rather than resolving the thing we were initially arguing about.”

Yup, been there. More times than I can count. Eric and I will be disagreeing about one thing which will lead to some long, meandering conversation in which we end up digging in our heels and arguing about something else.

This dynamic is not unusual and can happen even when you don’t care all that much about the underlying issue. What you care most about, even if you are unwilling to admit it, is being right. My guess, though I haven’t ever asked them, is that primates care less about being right and more about resolving the conflict, making their troop member feel better, and moving on.

“I had also noticed how the words and phrases we use when we talk about conflict often reference movement – psychology literature is filled with it,” Dr. Webb observed. “Getting past it. Moving on. Putting it behind us. And when we can’t move past it we use phrases like being stuck or at an impasse.”

Digging in our heels.

These observations, combined with her personal experience, led Dr. Webb and her colleagues to consider the question: Can walking help with conflict resolution?

Not surprisingly, their answer was yes.

“There are two major factors at play,” she explains. “The first relates to the individual benefits of walking and the second to the interpersonal benefits.”

The Individual Benefits

Walking helps your mind work at its very best in ways which are helpful for conflict resolution: decreased stress, increased positive hormones, improved brain function, and all of the benefits that come from being in nature.

“Perhaps the most important of these for conflict resolution is the increase in creativity that comes with walking,” Dr. Webb suggested. “The type of creativity that research shows is most strongly impacted by walking is ‘divergent thinking’ which, at its simplest, refers to our ability to see things in a different way. That type of thinking is instrumental to conflict resolution.”

Ah, the ability to view a situation through someone else’s eyes, to grasp their perspective – even if you disagree. Yup, that seems helpful for resolving conflict.

The Interpersonal Benefits

“Another key to the power of walking for conflict resolution is behavioral synchrony,” Dr. Webb observes.

Behavioral synchrony -- moving in sync with another -- has been linked to increased cooperation, compassion, and feelings of connection – all really helpful for two people trying to resolve a conflict.

Somehow, Eric and I rarely walk and fight these days. Rather, we use our walking time to connect, make plans, share ideas, or just walk side by side in companionable quiet. But occasionally, when there is an issue we need to address, I will invite him for a walk and fight. Usually, he says yes.