Do You Suffer From FONDE?

Ah, FOMO. The “Fear of Missing Out.” The nagging sense that everyone else is having more fun and doing more cool stuff than you are.

I don’t suffer from FOMO (well, not often, anyway) but I do suffer from FOMO’s next-of-kin … FONDE: “Fear of Not Doing Enough.” 

A mere five minutes on Facebook or LinkedIn will lead me to conclude that I should be doing more… more outreach, more writing, more connecting, more leading, more managing. I should be reading more books, cooking more dinners, lifting more weights, eating more vegetables, walking more miles. I should be doing more, well, more everything.

I suspect that I’m not alone.

But … not everyone has the same goals. Not everyone has the same strengths. Not everyone has the same flexibility. Not everyone likes doing the same things. Not everyone’s journey is the same. 

Nor should it be because there are many versions of “success” and many paths to get there.

FONDE doesn’t just apply to how much work you accomplish, how many degrees hang on our wall, how many miles you can run, how many pounds you can deadlift or how many zeros there are in your bank account. It doesn’t just apply to how well-decorated your home, how lush your garden or how Pinterest-worthy your home-baked bread … it applies to parenting, too. We are suffering from an insane sense that we are not doing enough for our kids.  As if our child’s ultimate happiness (because isn’t that what we really want, for our kids to grow up happy and secure with whatever measure of success gets them there) somehow depends on how many extracurricular classes he takes or how many A’s she chalks up.

We need to chill.  Every one of our kids has enough to eat and a warm bed to sleep in. And, hopefully, every one of them knows that he or she is loved. At the end of the day, that means you are “doing enough.”