Reconnect With Your Natural-Born Confidence
You do you. Be true. Live your most authentic life and don’t apologize for being who you are.
Yeah, yeah, we’ve all heard it before. And on some level, I think we would all love to live a life that is the truest expression of the person we were meant to be. Who wants to go through life living someone else’s version of what happiness is supposed to look like?
No one. So why do we do it and, more importantly, how do we stop?
According to researcher, writer, and “confidence crusader” Alyssa Dver, girls lose 50% of their confidence in their teens, confidence that most don’t fully rediscover until they hit 60. That is a whole lotta’ years to live without confidence in who you are.
This makes sense. I believe that most children know instinctively who they are, what they like, and what makes them happy. That is, until friends, family, and society begin to layer on the ways that they want us to behave and our biological need to belong kicks in. As does adolescence, acne and boys. By then, many of us are screwed. In our quest to fit in and to be loved, we lose touch with our authentic self. We stop doing the things we love to do and stop chasing our dreams in our effort to be good girls within the eyes of our families, cool girls within the eyes of our friends, and something desirable within the eyes of the cute boy in math class.
All of this happens against the backdrop of media that continues to feed us completely whacked versions of what we are supposed to look like, feel like and do with our lives.
It is no wonder that we lose our way.
But here’s the thing. Standing tall and being your own, unapologetic self is key to your happiness.
Ah, but how? How do you tap back into your natural-born confidence? How do you begin to show up as yourself without apology?
Truth is, it’s not easy. It starts with baby steps. It starts with checking your “yes reflex” -- the habit we have to say yes when asked to do something, even when it is not something we want to do (think, go out for an expensive dinner you can’t afford, chair a committee that isn’t important to you, or bake two dozen brownies for the PTA bake sale). It starts with being sure that the people with whom you have chosen to surround yourself are people who know you, love you and accept you. It starts with being willing to let your guard down, and speak and live your truth. And it ends with finding yourself again and then living a life that aligns with your heart and your purpose and doing so without apology. And doing so over and over again until it feels natural and comfortable.
This is scary, scary stuff. There isn’t one among us who hasn’t thought -- at least at some point -- if they knew who I really was, they’d be shocked, disgusted or, at the very least, they’d never be my friend.
For some, the journey to learning to be unapologetically you might require deeper work and a longer journey. Depending on the trauma of your childhood and the strength of your relationships, you might need some professional help to rediscover your true north.
It’s worth it.
A final thought. This is not a license to be a bitch nor an excuse not to shower. This is a mandate to discover who you are and call to action to live in a way that is authentic and without apology.