Stop Staring at the Black Dot

I watched a fascinating video the other day. A university professor surprised his students with a pop quiz. Each was handed a sheet of paper with a single black dot in the center of the page. The assignment? Write an essay about what you see.

The kids scratched their heads and looked at one another and at the professor. When it was clear that no further instruction was coming, they got to work. 40 minutes later, they handed in their essays. 

The next day, the professor sat behind his desk with the stack of essays sitting in front of him. “Every single one of you,” he began, “wrote about the black dot. No one focused on the white space -- and there was much, much more white space than black dot.”

In our lives, there is much more white space than black dot and yet most of us spend the majority of our life focused on the black dots. 

Here’s my current black dot. I have to have a root canal, something I’ve always feared -- I mean seriously, just the name alone is enough to put your stomach in knots. The dentist gave me a round of antibiotics which has settled everything down a bit, but the root canal is coming. Naturally, I’m dreading it. But more than dreaded it, I’m preoccupied by it. I’m thinking about it and fretting about it. When I’m out for a walk or laying in bed, my mind will head over to that impending root canal. I will picture myself in the chair and hear the sound of the drill coming for me. I’ve had nightmares about it and even when I’m not actively imagining the worst case scenario, it is there, lurking at the corners of my mind.

Now the reality is, chances are very good that this procedure will go off without a hitch. Not fun, but not horrible. And, even if it kinda sucks, well, the entire procedure will likely not be more than an hour, two tops. And there is absolutely no doubt that I’ve spent more time fretting and fearing than the two hours I will be in that chair.

The point is, we tend to look at the black dot. We tend to focus on the obstacles, the challenges, the fears, the mistakes and the setbacks. It is, to an extent, how most of us are wired. It is our negativity bias -- the way our primitive brains are always on the lookout for the risks and dangers. Changing the way we view the world isn’t easy and for many of us and it probably won’t come naturally.

Somehow we need to consciously pulling our gaze away from the black dot and looking for the white space. How?

Begin by looking at all of the open space. Here’s the open space I’m striving to see around my root canal. I trust my dentist. The procedure is only an hour or two and a fair bit of that time will be spent getting ready, just sitting there. Okay, so actual working time? I’m guessing 40 minutes so first I remind myself that I’m giving this much mental time, energy and fear to something that will be done in 40 minutes? My point is, other than my obvious obsession with this upcoming procedure, we need to try to get as realistic as possible about the black dot -- the obstacle, the downside. 

How likely is it that you will actually confront the black dot? How likely is it that the novocaine won’t take and the procedure will be horribly painful? How likely is it that the tooth will break or something else terrible will happen? Not very. Possible, but not very. Accept that the black dot might happen. You could lose your job. You could lose your house. You could get sick or the plane could crash. Those things could happen. But chances are, they won’t. And, more importantly, worrying about them, staring at them, won’t make them any less likely to happen. Let me say that again: staring at them, thinking about them, obsessing about them will not make them any more -- or less -- likely to happen.

Today’s key to happiness? Stop staring at the black dot and focus on the big open white spaces.