5 Things We Need to Unlearn to Defeat Diet Culture

Growing up, foods were either “good” or “fattening.” Sometimes, I would reach for a cookie and my dad would say “do you really need that cookie” while other times he would be the first to scoop the ice cream after dinner. Pink packages of Sweet ‘n Low were a staple on our kitchen table, I was put on my first official diet when I was eight years old and I will never forget the day my sister looked at my legs -- strong from hours of figure skating practice -- and said “you have calves like a football player.” She didn’t mean it as a compliment.

All of this (well, maybe not my sister’s comment about my calves) was done out of love. My parents grew up fully immersed in diet culture, a legacy they handed down to me and one I have been struggling to dismantle, for myself and others, for more than a decade.

What is diet culture? It is the message that many -- dare I say most -- of us have consumed throughout our lives that in order to be successful, worthy and attractive, we must be a certain size. We’ve been taught that food is the enemy, exercise is punishment for eating too much, some foods are good and some are bad, calories count and -- perhaps most damaging of all -- that our failure to maintain that ideal size is a personal failure about which we should be ashamed.

Diet culture has done so much damage to so many of us.

It is going to take a long time and a lot of work to dismantle institutionalized diet culture. It is thoroughly ingrained in our culture and fuels a $71 billion dollar industry that is deeply invested in promoting the false promise that their brand, program or product is the key to weight loss and, by extension, the key to happiness.

The conversation is further complicated by the fact that carrying extra weight places burdens on our systems that can have significant consequences for our health and well-being. It is not an overstatement to say that carrying excess weight can wreak havoc on your body, prompt illness and literally take years off your life. 

So how do we talk about health and nutrition and food and weight without buying into diet culture? Not easily. But here are five ways to start.

1. Your value is not dependent upon the number on your scale

I know, I know, it is almost impossible to believe, but you are not a more valuable person the thinner you are. That is just a fact. Your ability to love, your ability to listen, your ability to raise awesome children, support a friend in need, create something of value, clean a toilet, paint a sunset, pet a dog or put love into the world is not dependent upon the number on your scale. Unfortunately, because of the message diet culture has been feeding you your entire life, you are going to have to work hard to remember that. 

You might need to stare in the mirror and tell yourself, aloud, that you are valuable, important and lovable just how you are (even if that feels really uncomfortable -- especially if that feels really uncomfortable). You might need to invite new people in your life who regularly remind you of your value and distance yourself from those who don’t. You might need a meditation practice. You may need some therapy. 

Maybe you’ll need all of those things to allow those messages of value and worth to grow louder than the cultural messages of diet and deprivation. Oh, and throwing out the scale helps, too.

2. Chances are pretty good that she has the same doubts you do.

Having feelings of inadequacy doesn’t make you inadequate, it makes you human. You need to know that other women wrestle with the same doubts and insecurities that you do. Most of us would agree that the models who grace magazine covers are objectively beautiful. So if insecurities were based in fact, models would not feel insecure about their looks, right? And yet, in her TEDx Talk, supermodel Cameron Russell reveals that models “are the most physically insecure women on the planet."

You need to realize that we have all been raised in a culture of airbrushed, filtered, altered, unobtainable images of perfection. We need to talk to each other and we need to listen to each other. We need to rise above our shame and insecurities and speak our truth, because when we all do, we will discover that we have a whole lot more in common than we ever realized.

3. Self-loathing will not help you get control of your life, get healthier or lose weight.

Somewhere along the way, we were taught that the most effective way to make change is through hatred, disdain and disgust. For ourselves. We became convinced that we can hate ourselves healthy. We beat ourselves up and trash talk the face in the mirror. We examine our butts and our bellies and judge them unacceptable. Or worse. 

We have been indoctrinated into thinking first and foremost, "How does my body look?" But what if we changed that and instead asked ourselves, "What can my body do?" Today, my body can walk three miles, carry groceries to the car and do one perfect pull-up.

My body can swim in the ocean, reach up to get something off a shelf, walk my dog, hug my daughter and carry a basket of laundry down a flight of stairs. 

We cannot hate ourselves healthy. To the contrary, I’m thinking that if we treat our bodies with the gratitude that they deserve, perhaps we’ll be inspired to care for those bodies with more compassion and more love and maybe, just maybe, we’ll choose to treat them better.

4. You don’t lack willpower and you aren’t “weak.”

Long before refrigeration, the industrial revolution and Super Targets, our ancestors had no idea where their next meal was coming from or when it was going to show up. Hence, our systems are built to encourage us to take in as much fuel as possible when that fuel -- and by fuel I mean food -- is available. In short, we are wired to eat as much as possible. That means that turning down that piece of chocolate cake -- or that second piece of chocolate cake -- can be hard. Really hard. And our bodies are reluctant to give up the energy they are storing because our lizard brains believe that the next famine might be just around the corner. Add to that our super-size-it culture and the abundance of nutritionally-empty, calorie-dense food and things get really complicated. Top it off with the lessons learned and unlearned as children around food as love, food as punishment, food as comfort and, well, like I said this isn’t easy.

5. There is no silver bullet or magic potion.

Whenever I see someone I know who has made a major change in their health, wellness or weight, I find myself asking “how’d you do it?” I tend to do this more often when I’m not feeling particularly good about my health, wellness or weight. If I’m being really honest, I ask because I am hoping that she will share some magic trick I didn’t know about. The one thing that I can use to fix whatever I think is broken. Invariably, the answer involves some combination of fueling her body with nutritious food, eating less of the things that don’t serve her and moving more. Because there is no silver bullet or magic potion. There is only the result of a thousand small decisions and a lifelong journey. Diet culture thrives on the mistaken belief that there is one key to unlocking health, happiness and “skinny jeans.” The sooner we realize that this is simply not the case, the better.

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So where do we go from here? We are swimming against a strong current of media, big business, biology and culture. But here’s why I think we can make it. Because we are not alone in this struggle. To the contrary, we are in very good company. 

Let's stop judging ourselves and others. Let’s share our challenges and our truth with honesty and authenticity. And let’s commit to supporting one another along this journey.

Who’s in?