Key to Happiness #2: Be The Right Amount of Busy

I don’t recall where we were and I don’t recall what we were doing. I don’t remember how old I was, or whether this was during the decade in which I was practicing law in New York City, or the two decades I was raising kids while building businesses. Whenever it was, I have no doubt that I was busy. Probably too busy.

“The key to happiness,” my brilliant and insightful friend Lorelei said, “is being the right amount of busy.”

Those words have stayed with me for decades and I have repeated them often, to myself and to so many others.

The key to happiness is being the right amount of busy.

Many years later, I mentioned it to Lorelei. “Yeah, I agree with that,” she said, “but I have no memory of saying it.” 

Generally, being too busy -- and we’ll talk about the fact that what is too busy or not busy enough is different for everyone -- can leave you stressed out, nerves jangled, cortisol flowing. Feeling like you don’t have enough time to breathe or recharge. Being too busy can make it very hard to slow down to rest, recover, and recharge.

But not being busy enough? That’s no good either, as it can sap your energy and leave you lethargic and blue and make it very hard to get moving. Not being busy enough can make it very hard to muster the energy and enthusiasm to try new things, take on new challenges and fully embrace your life.

So what is the right amount of busy and how do we strive to live our lives in that sweet spot?

The right amount of busy is different for everyone. Some people thrive at a slower pace, with fewer things on their to-do list and fewer daily challenges to confront. Others crave constant movement, input, and adventure. Interestingly, this is one of the things that is really hard to understand about other people. For instance, if you are someone who loves to travel, who loves to explore new places, it is really hard to understand someone who has no desire to travel. Those who live their lives going 110 miles per hour truly don’t understand those who prefer sipping a cup of tea on their front porch. And those who love a slower pace can’t imagine living their lives rushing from trip to the next.

And, just to complicate things, the right amount of busy can change. Been super busy for days, weeks, months or decades? Perhaps you need a major slow down. Not much going on for a while? Perhaps it is time to turn the intensity of your life up for a bit.

Here’s the rub. Changing the dial on your level of busyness is very challenging. Hard-driving, always on busy? You have likely found that place to be your comfort zone, the place that feels the most familiar and the most comfortable. Your “set point.” You have likely built your life in a way that maintains that intensity and you likely have people who expect you to be always on, always doing, always going.

Have you been taking it easy, spending lots of time at home, not taking on new challenges? Chances are that it will be hard to muster the momentum to do more because Newton's First Law of Motion was right: a body a rest tends to stay at rest.

Finding the right amount of balance will require constant tinkering. Inevitably, there will be times when you veer too far too busy, and too far to unbusy. You will have to take stock and adjust your sails. You will rarely get it exactly right because exactly right will change. You will get too busy and have to intentionally dial it back. Cancel appointments, remember how to say no. You will become not-busy-enough and will feel bored and lethargic and will have to find the strength to take action, make plans, phone a friend, look for a new job, book a trip, learn a skill or throw a party.